She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
