Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
