Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
