Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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