She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My life is pants optional.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
