my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I fill condoms, not promises.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
