thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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