Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
