It was confusing and full of hummus
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
