I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Drunk is not a location!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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