Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Shame - the story of my life.
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