Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
