it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
