Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
