I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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