in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
