I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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