are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
