I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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