I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
