Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
