you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
