I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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