Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
we're so committed to being not committed
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The ass gains better be worth it
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
