can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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