He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
