I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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