last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm at about main and main street
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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