just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
ttyl tear gas
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I want a musical about memes.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
