the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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