i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
