The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
