I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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