i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
