it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The uberlube is also flammable
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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