i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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