A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
