I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
