Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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