So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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