Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
