We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
