Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
