I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
