He had one of those small greek statue penises
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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