and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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