He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
