Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
