my being single is dangerous.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Terrible idea I love it
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
