took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
