When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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